The iphone adverts tell us there’s an “app for everything”. With iphone apps navigate your way around almost any city, get the latest news from your favourite paper, easily convert currencies or even help motivate you to quit smoking.
But with the rising popularity of these apps comes an increase in the number of utterly bizarre and in some cases, completely useless apps. Apps are now informally divided into three classses:
- High quality, high functionality applications with the best of graphics
- Lower quality apps that you might use once or twice here and there and that have that low grade look about them
- Novelty/joke apps that are close to useless unless you want to impress your friends with fart sounds whilst intoxicated before you make an ill-advised “iDunktxt” call to a random number in your phone book
A few particularly useless apps that caught my eye:
iVoodoo: For those of you who are too spineless to confront a friend/family member/boss who is seemingly deriving massive amounts of pleasure in making your life miserable then this could be the app for you. Don’t have a good old fashioned confrontation and clear the air. Use your iVoodoo app to create a virtual voodoo doll – you can even add in a photo of the person whom it’s supposed to represent. Then prod them with pins to your hearts content. Cathartic.
eShaver: If you were to lazy or hungover to get your ass out of bed on time and shave then never fear. You can use the eShaver iphone app to make a noise like a shaver. That’s right – this app helpfully makes the sound of an electric shaver without removing even one hair.
iSteam: Who wouldn’t want fake condensation to fill the screen of their phone right?! If you write little notes like “I love you Cheryl” in the post-shower condensation in your bathroom mirror then lucky you….you can take that condensation with you everywhere!
AlphaBurp: If you’ve been thwarted in your quest to successfully burp the entire alphabet then this is the app for you. You can record your message and have it converted it to burps. What an ice-breaker!
DoucheMeter: Is your friend is an eejitt? Do you need concrete evidence that they are, in fact, a douche? Confirm your suspicions with the ‘douche meter’. Sure to stand up as incontrovertable in court.
The latest strange but wonderful app is the “Poo Log“. What does your poo say about you?
httpvh://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBwWIn1nKZU&feature=player_embedded
The creators say the app is:
“a digital timer and journal for recording and studying the wondrous uniqueness of each bowel moviement. With a clever mix of bathroom humor and legitimate medical information, Poo Log allows you to track your digestive workings and graph you poo – all with one hand.”
All with one hand!?!?! Is the other hand holding the poo? Think about this next time you ask to borrow someones phone!
